Not Backbiting
Aranjollum Nenjaththaan Anmai Puranjollum / Punmaiyaar Kaanap Patum
Classical English couplet — “The slanderous meanness that an absent friend defames,'This man in words owns virtue, not in heart,' proclaims”
What it says in plain words
“Someone may praise kindness and fairness but insult others behind their backs. Such talk shows they do not truly mean what they praise.”
The classical Tamil reading
அறத்தை நல்லதென்று போற்றும் நெஞ்சம் இல்லாததன்மை, ஒருவன் மற்றவனைப் பற்றிப் புறங்கூறுகின்ற சிறுமையால் காணப்படும்.
An expanded Tamil interpretation
ஒருவன் பிறரைப்பற்றிப் புறம் பேசுகிற சிறுமைத்தன்மையைக்கொண்டே அவன் அறவழி நிற்பவன் அல்லன் என்பதை எளிதில் தெரிந்து கொள்ளலாம்
The ethical and philosophical heart
It is easy to talk about being a good person. How we speak about others shows whether we mean those words. This matters especially when someone is absent and cannot answer. Unkind talk about them reveals a gap between our words and actions.
In personal life, work and society
- Personal
- You avoid mocking an absent friend, even when others join in.
- Workplace
- You discuss a coworker's mistake with them instead of insulting them during lunch.
- Family
- You speak respectfully about a relative who cannot join the gathering.
- Society
- You avoid sharing posts that mock a neighbor behind their back.
How to apply this today
- Decision-making
- Before sharing a story, consider whether it unfairly puts someone down.
- Integrity
- Match your words about kindness with respectful talk about others.
- Communication
- Raise concerns with the person involved instead of mocking them elsewhere.
- Leadership
- Speak fairly about team members, including those outside the room.
- Governance
- Address people's actions fairly rather than spreading personal insults about them.
For leaders and teams
Show others that respect includes people who are absent. Let your everyday speech match the kindness you ask of others.
Something to sit with
“How could your words about someone absent better reflect the kindness you value?”