Evil Friendship
Kanavinum Innaadhu Manno Vinaiveru / Solveru Pattaar Thotarpu
Classical English couplet — “E'en in a dream the intercourse is bitternessWith men whose deeds are other than their words profess”
What it says in plain words
“Friendship with someone whose actions contradict their words brings pain. That pain can follow you even into your dreams.”
The classical Tamil reading
செய்யும் செயல் வேறாகவும் சொல்லும் சொல் வேறாகவும் உள்ளவரின் நட்பு, ஒருவனுக்கு கனவிலும் துன்பம் தருவதாகும்.
An expanded Tamil interpretation
சொல்லுக்கும் செயலுக்கும் தொடர்பில்லாதவரின் நட்பு கனவிலேகூடத் துன்பத்தைத்தான் கொடுக்கும்
The ethical and philosophical heart
A friend may speak kindly but treat you badly. This gap between words and actions makes trust difficult. The hurt can stay with you, even in dreams. In friendship, actions need to match words.
In personal life, work and society
- Personal
- A friend promises to keep your secret but shares it, leaving you hurt.
- Workplace
- A coworker offers help but repeatedly leaves you with all the work.
- Family
- A relative promises support but turns away whenever you need help.
- Society
- A community volunteer promises to share supplies fairly but keeps the best for friends.
How to apply this today
- Decision-making
- Notice how a friend's actions compare with their promises.
- Integrity
- Keep your promises so others have reason to trust you.
- Communication
- Say what you can truly do, rather than making empty promises.
- Leadership
- Follow through when you promise to support your team.
- Governance
- Compare public promises with what officials actually do.
For leaders and teams
People can feel hurt when your actions contradict your promises. Build trust by making sure your actions match your words.
Something to sit with
“Which friendship leaves you uneasy because someone's actions differ from their words?”